Slough Caverns & Caves - Gold Mining - Gold Bullion

The Slough Gold Mining Company was formed in 1860 in anticipation of the 1864 gold rush era and as such was well placed to harness the potential for growth with sound fundamentals and a boom that started in America. However, soon after all the gold was gone, a period known as Gordon's bottom and many miners were forced to sign on and sit at home all day enjoying fresh air and an easy life. But they all wanted to be back down the gold mine, doing what they loved, mining for gold. Generations of unemployed gold miners have since passed and the Slough Gold Mining Company has been through some rough times, and would have folded on several occasions without generous bank credit and govt support. It was when Mr John Smith, the director of the Slough Gold Mining company heard that the Prime Minister, Mr Gordon Brown was giving away free money to fill huge holes in the countries bottomless hole of money taking that John Smith had an idea.

Relaxing in his holiday retreat in the heart of Abuja the capital of Nigeria, Mr Smith thought to write an e-mail to Gordon Brown to ask for some money to restore the fortunes of the flagging Slough Mining Company, after hearing Gordon Brown was giving away Trillions of pounds, and essentially showing a willingness to pour money in to vast bottomless holes. Mr Smith knew that there was potential for gold mining in the newly discovered Slough Caverns and so put forward a business plan to develop the mines, restore the UK's debt burden and stimulate economic revival around the Slough area.

Being on holiday, Mr Smith asked his friend at the Peoples Bank Of Nigeria to send the E-mail for him. And no sooner had they sent it that Gordon Brown replied with a positive YES. Following some meetings between Mr Smith and Mr Brown, photo to the right, Gordon Brown committed to an extra extension of Qauantative Easing and the printing of £30tr in new commemorative £1bn notes. Mr Smiths business plan clearly shows the mines making a healthy £1m turnover annually with at least £500,000 in gold being delivered to the treasury each year, and that didn't even take into account the integrated tourist revenue they expect to make by showing young children around the mines on exciting daily 8 hour trips.

Gordon Brown who was quoted as saying "I did maths for a year at university. I don't think I was very good at it. And some people would say it shows, and that is why I want to support the hard working families of Slough who I believe will all be down mine, because its the right thing to do".

Gordon Brown went on to say "Environmental sustainability is not an option - it is a necessity. For economies to flourish, for global poverty to be banished, for the well-being of the world's people to be enhanced - not just in this generation but in succeeding generations - we have a compelling and ever more urgent duty of stewardship to take care of the natural environment and resources on which our economic activity and social fabric depends. ... A new paradigm that sees economic growth, social justice and environmental care advancing together can become the common sense of our age. And that is why we must mine this gold from our soil, to replenish our purse and restore wealth to every hard working family, because its the right thing to do, so we can expand slough Airport, and build the worlds first underground nuclear power station in the depths of the caverns right next door to the plutonium mines. There will be no more boom and bust, this is bottomless hole of gold that will last forever!!!!".

Mr Smith was said to be really happy with the generosity of Mr Brown, saying "I better convert these £1bn notes into a more stable currency before they become worthless. It makes me proud to think that I can now restore my families honour as well as the honour of all those hard working families left destitute by the economic recession, and believe me, they will be hard working. Through hard work they will find freedom".

When asked if Mr Brown was simply leveraging the opportunity to invest in such a high profile project to sway the voters at next Junes election, Mr Brown said, "If all the hard working families vote for me, i'll win again as I did in 2007, and when they see all this gold they wont want to vote for the other guy at all".

Already the markets are a flutter and millions of poles have arrived in Slough early in anticipation of tax free earnings to send of home to their hard working families in Poland and a large Japanese consortium has already put in a winning bid for the proposed huge gold mining cyborg robots that will be equipped with laser cannons for blasting away at the rocks to reveal the gold that will be put out for tender next year.

A representative of the Bank Of Tesco said that this in no way effected their position as a leading food retailer and they would not be involved in gold prospecting or mining. However, no comment from the Tesco Diamond Mining Division was made in regards to the rumour that they wanted the £30tr to mine what they describe as the vast tracts of diamond seems that exist in the caverns, a rejection alleged to stem from Gordon Browns fixation with gold and selling it at great rates.